The title for today is more of a reminder to myself than something I practiced perfectly. All day long, I wanted to sit at the computer hitting refresh to see if we had news from the Embassy letting us advance to the next step. My mind continually reminds me that we've got a clock that is ticking and ticking. Jerry, Mario, and Erik are leaving on Saturday. That is less than four days at this point. I have been hoping that Noah and I will be able to join them and depart at the same time, but the chance of that is slim and getting slimmer. Not impossible -- nothing is impossible with God. He doesn't need great odds; He can (and often does) pull out a surprise at the last moment. And trust me when I say that I am most definitely praying for that.
We didn't hear from the Embassy today. Like I said, I wanted to sit at the computer and hit refresh all day. But I didn't. Sure, periodically I would wander over and check, but I tried as much as possible to just let it go. I was constantly reminded to live in the moment. I am here in this beautiful country with my absolutely wonderful husband and my three precious boys, all of whom I love fiercely. We played lots together, we read stories, watched a couple movies, played hide and seek on the terrace, ate, laughed, danced, and a whole variety of things. If I had sat at the computer all day, I would have missed so much. If I had been mentally off on my own "what if'ing" all day, I would have accomplished nothing, and wouldn't have been living up to what I am called to be: a wife and mother. I would have totally lost this day, which will only come around once.
And you know, today was huge. I didn't get to check off anything big on the adoption checklist (although Noah did get his tb test so I guess that is something), but I got to do what I was supposed to do: love my family.
And you wouldn't believe what I got in return. I heard "Mama" from Noah for the first time! He said it all afternoon and evening! At first we weren't sure, but then it became completely obvious to all of us! He was calling me "Mama!!!" He wanted me to put him in his high chair, he wanted me to bring him more yogurt, he wanted me to read a book to him, he wanted me to pick him up and dance with him, he wanted me to get something that was caught under the sofa, he wanted me to play hide and seek with him, on and on and on. Really incredible! This is the kid that wouldn't give me the time of day two weeks ago. And now, he was calling me Mama, hugging and squeezing me, giggling with me, playing with my hair, and planting big wet sloppy toddler kisses right on my lips! One time Jerry tried to pick him up instead when he needed something, but no, Noah wanted "Mama!!!" Just amazing, and totally a gift from God.
So, I am really trying not to worry about whether we hear from the Embassy this week. Believe me, I seriously want to hear from them first thing in the morning, so that there is a chance that we can all fly home together on Saturday. I don't want to be away from Jerry, Mario, and Erik. And I don't like the idea of little Noah having to be separated from them either, so soon after being separated from his foster mother and the whole life he has ever known, and then making great strides at attaching to his new daddy and brothers. How would he understand that? Even if it were only going to be for a few days or a week, and then we would follow, how do you explain a few days or a week to a two-year-old?
I know this whole experience is in God's hands. I know that nothing surprises Him, and that He can always be counted on to bring good out of any situation. And even if they leave on Saturday, and Noah and I are still here, it will be ok. God will be holding us, and holding them too.