I get told a lot that I am being so patient in waiting for this adoption. Honestly, I am far from patient. Yeah, I'm not having a full-blown temper tantrum like a three-year-old (that often at least!!), and I have progressed in patience from where I used to be, but when I look into my heart, I think I am just better at hiding the fact that I am still quite impatient. I don't think I am actively trying to hide it, it's just I know in my heart it is still there.
I know God's plan is best. I know it. I know God's timing is best. I know it. I know God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving. I know it. I know from Scripture that all things work out for the good for those that love God. I know it. I know from the data of my own life that God always does so much better of a job at anything than I could even imagine. I.know.it. And yet how is it that I still grumble when things don't happen on my timetable? After all the good God has done, how can I still do that?
I heard someone say that they have spiritual amnesia. That sounds like a pretty apt description for what is going on here. And I guess I am just being too prideful (another of my many faults!) when I expect that I won't struggle with patience. Similarly, I think it is fair that I should expect myself to have matured in patience from when I was the three-year-old in the middle of the temper tantrum, but I would be awfully full of myself if got this patience thing right all the time. Also, if I am off being impatient about something in the future (our referral), am I missing out doing something that I should be doing now?
God is really good with me giving me these little lessons as we inch along with this adoption. I am going to go off and play Legos with a couple little boys I know, and thank God for them, and praise Him for the work He is doing in my heart and the work He is doing miles away in Honduras.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Let us pray for one another
I am reminded today of how challenging international adoption can be. It is so easy to feel frustrated. Some things can be amazingly hard to accomplish. Some things can take a long time. Even things that you think should be quick and easy, are at times neither. Being organized, industrious, and upbeat get you only so far. You are at the mercy of other people in more ways than you like to think about. Sometimes you feel so alone. It's hard for people to understand what you are going through. And the things people can say.
But then there are the good days too with news of the best kind. And those good days of hearing of other people receiving wonderful news. And those good days just dreaming about receiving good news. Just like breathing in the freshest, cleanest, sweetest air into tired, worn-out lungs.
Let us pray for one another through the good days and the rough ones. Let us cry out "Abba!" to the One who really knows to sustain us in our journey and to fill us with gratitude, love, and joy.
But then there are the good days too with news of the best kind. And those good days of hearing of other people receiving wonderful news. And those good days just dreaming about receiving good news. Just like breathing in the freshest, cleanest, sweetest air into tired, worn-out lungs.
Let us pray for one another through the good days and the rough ones. Let us cry out "Abba!" to the One who really knows to sustain us in our journey and to fill us with gratitude, love, and joy.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Some questions do not need to be answered
Still no news, by the way, but here's a different kind of post, having to do with beeswax. Yeah, you'll have to stay with me for a couple minutes.
I mentioned a few posts ago about the fun time we had at the Guatemalan heritage weekend hosted by our adoption agency. It was fun, fun, fun, and educational too! They had some sessions just for kids, some for adults, and some for the whole family. One of the family sessions was entitled "WISE UP." The lady running the session, who was a social worker with our agency, explained (mostly to the kids) that some people know more about some topics than other people. People that are on a soccer team, for example, know more about playing soccer than people that have never played the game before. Kids that are in third grade, for example, know more about cursive writing than kids in kindergarten. People that have adoption as part of their family history, know more about adoption than those that don't. It doesn't make them better or smarter, just that they are more educated about it.
Sometimes when people don't know about something, the questions that they ask about it can be all over the board. Sometimes, they might ask easy questions. Sometimes they ask hard questions. Sometimes they might ask questions that don't make sense. We learned that just because someone asks you a question, it doesn't mean that you have to give them an answer. We learned that there are at least four options that a person has when they are asked a question. Enter "WISE UP."
First option, W: you can walk away. Plain and simple. Some questions just do not need to be answered. It doesn't matter if it is a stranger, a friend, an aquaintance, whatever. If a question makes you uncomfortable or you just don't want to say anything, it is acceptable to walk away.
Second option, I: "It's personal. It's private. It's none of your beeswax." As you can imagine, most of the kids in the session thought that was a funny one! To my knowledge, my boys had never heard the beeswax expression before, and the rest of the night they were repeating this answer and giggling. Just so funny to watch them! But seriously, this is a very real and legitimate option, as is the previous one. It is important for kids (and adults for that matter) to remember that their story is their story. It doesn't belong to anyone else, and other people are not entitled to answers to questions of a personal nature. Furthermore, kids (and adults for that matter) shouldn't feel ashamed to give this answer, or the previous one.
Third option, S: Share. Sometimes, you might want to share a little bit of information in response to a question. A partial answer. That is fine too.
Fourth option, E: Educate. You can choose to educate the person with a more in-depth answer.
Finally, UP, as in Give up, or throw your hands up in the air. This one works well when someone asks you a really odd, or way-out question. You can say, "I can't believe you just asked me that." And that is all you have to say.
Since we started down the road toward adoption, several years ago now, I've received all sorts of questions. Some I feel completely comfortable giving a full answer to. Some, I don't want to say anything to. And of course the whole gamut in between. Furthermore, there are lots of occasions when I just don't have the time or the attention to respond fully to a question. When the boys were very little, I used to get all sorts of questions at the grocery store. Mostly, I was just interested in getting out of there as quick as I could before one of the boys starting grabbing the candy or the Hotwheels cars from the checkout line or stood up in the cart or started hitting his brother. In general, I think of myself as a polite person, so at first I had trouble responding "It's personal" or giving some rendition of the "I can't believe you just asked me that." Later I realized that it's just not necessary to share every bit of information with everyone that happens to ask you a question. Adoption has been so wonderful in our lives, and I want to be open to people about it's beauty, but then again, really, it's not my job to be the adoption encyclopedia, and a lot of questions are probably just instant curiosity rather than a real desire to know the answer. It is important for me to be polite -- oftentimes the adoption-related questions are asked right in front of one or both of my children, and I don't want them to think it is ever ok to be rude to people. Also, they take lots of cues from me as far as how I respond to certain questions.
It was incredibly helpful for us to be part of the WISE UP discussion as a family. It gave the boys an opportunity to role play being asked adoption-related questions, seeing that they indeed had a variety of ways they could respond. Since that time, I've noticed that we've talked about it several times, which has been a helpful reminder for all of us that not every question asked by every person at every moment needs to be fully answered .
And you know, I am just waiting to say beeswax to somebody! :D
I mentioned a few posts ago about the fun time we had at the Guatemalan heritage weekend hosted by our adoption agency. It was fun, fun, fun, and educational too! They had some sessions just for kids, some for adults, and some for the whole family. One of the family sessions was entitled "WISE UP." The lady running the session, who was a social worker with our agency, explained (mostly to the kids) that some people know more about some topics than other people. People that are on a soccer team, for example, know more about playing soccer than people that have never played the game before. Kids that are in third grade, for example, know more about cursive writing than kids in kindergarten. People that have adoption as part of their family history, know more about adoption than those that don't. It doesn't make them better or smarter, just that they are more educated about it.
Sometimes when people don't know about something, the questions that they ask about it can be all over the board. Sometimes, they might ask easy questions. Sometimes they ask hard questions. Sometimes they might ask questions that don't make sense. We learned that just because someone asks you a question, it doesn't mean that you have to give them an answer. We learned that there are at least four options that a person has when they are asked a question. Enter "WISE UP."
First option, W: you can walk away. Plain and simple. Some questions just do not need to be answered. It doesn't matter if it is a stranger, a friend, an aquaintance, whatever. If a question makes you uncomfortable or you just don't want to say anything, it is acceptable to walk away.
Second option, I: "It's personal. It's private. It's none of your beeswax." As you can imagine, most of the kids in the session thought that was a funny one! To my knowledge, my boys had never heard the beeswax expression before, and the rest of the night they were repeating this answer and giggling. Just so funny to watch them! But seriously, this is a very real and legitimate option, as is the previous one. It is important for kids (and adults for that matter) to remember that their story is their story. It doesn't belong to anyone else, and other people are not entitled to answers to questions of a personal nature. Furthermore, kids (and adults for that matter) shouldn't feel ashamed to give this answer, or the previous one.
Third option, S: Share. Sometimes, you might want to share a little bit of information in response to a question. A partial answer. That is fine too.
Fourth option, E: Educate. You can choose to educate the person with a more in-depth answer.
Finally, UP, as in Give up, or throw your hands up in the air. This one works well when someone asks you a really odd, or way-out question. You can say, "I can't believe you just asked me that." And that is all you have to say.
Since we started down the road toward adoption, several years ago now, I've received all sorts of questions. Some I feel completely comfortable giving a full answer to. Some, I don't want to say anything to. And of course the whole gamut in between. Furthermore, there are lots of occasions when I just don't have the time or the attention to respond fully to a question. When the boys were very little, I used to get all sorts of questions at the grocery store. Mostly, I was just interested in getting out of there as quick as I could before one of the boys starting grabbing the candy or the Hotwheels cars from the checkout line or stood up in the cart or started hitting his brother. In general, I think of myself as a polite person, so at first I had trouble responding "It's personal" or giving some rendition of the "I can't believe you just asked me that." Later I realized that it's just not necessary to share every bit of information with everyone that happens to ask you a question. Adoption has been so wonderful in our lives, and I want to be open to people about it's beauty, but then again, really, it's not my job to be the adoption encyclopedia, and a lot of questions are probably just instant curiosity rather than a real desire to know the answer. It is important for me to be polite -- oftentimes the adoption-related questions are asked right in front of one or both of my children, and I don't want them to think it is ever ok to be rude to people. Also, they take lots of cues from me as far as how I respond to certain questions.
It was incredibly helpful for us to be part of the WISE UP discussion as a family. It gave the boys an opportunity to role play being asked adoption-related questions, seeing that they indeed had a variety of ways they could respond. Since that time, I've noticed that we've talked about it several times, which has been a helpful reminder for all of us that not every question asked by every person at every moment needs to be fully answered .
And you know, I am just waiting to say beeswax to somebody! :D
Thursday, April 19, 2012
No news is no news
I've been hoping that I would have a new wait list number to share with you this week. Last I heard, the assignment committee met at the end of March. Since families that receive referrals have two weeks to accept them (and then the wait list is updated), I thought that this would be the week that I would hear a new wait list number. I have not received any news yet. The week is not over yet, of course, and I am starting to wonder if there is an adoption equivalent for "a watched pot never boils." A watched wait list never....(what could I say here?) A watched computer screen never....(what?).
Trust Him. Just trust Him, I remind myself. Trust Him and live in the moment. Ok, I'm going to go sort laundry. And while I'm doing that, I am going to thank my dear Father for my wonderful family and all the many graces he has showered on me. They are too numerous to count, but I am going to try anyway.
Trust Him. Just trust Him, I remind myself. Trust Him and live in the moment. Ok, I'm going to go sort laundry. And while I'm doing that, I am going to thank my dear Father for my wonderful family and all the many graces he has showered on me. They are too numerous to count, but I am going to try anyway.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Adoption Tax Credit
Hi friends! I'm asking you to do something again! :D Here's the story.
Those of you that are currently or have in the past adopted are familiar with the federal adoption tax credit, but those of you that haven't may not be aware of it. Basically, the idea is that the federal government provides a tax credit that helps offset the cost of international adoption. The process is that after a child is brought home into a family, the parents document the costs on their federal income tax, and are provided, as part of their tax refund, a credit for taxes they have already paid. In most cases, the tax credit does not cover all the expenses of an international adoption, but it does significantly help. To give you an idea, for 2011, adoptive families are eligible for a maximum of $13, 360 for 2011 returns. In our family, we have definitely relied on the tax credit for our previous two adoptions, and have been counting on it for this third one.
But, what do you think? For the 2012 year, the tax credit has drastically changed to a maximum of $12,170 for 2012 returns only. Furthermore, the 2012 Tax Credit will not be refundable for adoptions initiated after 2011, which means a large number of families may not be able to get any of their adoption-related expenses back (the average cost to adopt a child is $25k- $35k or more) and possibly prevent people from adopting a child at all.
And to make it even worse, in 2013 it will revert back to a maximum tax credit of $6,000 for parents adopting children with special needs, and there will be no adoption tax credit available for all other adoptive parents beginning in tax year 2013.
Will you please help by checking out this website and signing their petition? Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
http://www.change.org/petitions/make-adoption-costs-fully-refundable-in-the-2012-2013-tax-years#
Those of you that are currently or have in the past adopted are familiar with the federal adoption tax credit, but those of you that haven't may not be aware of it. Basically, the idea is that the federal government provides a tax credit that helps offset the cost of international adoption. The process is that after a child is brought home into a family, the parents document the costs on their federal income tax, and are provided, as part of their tax refund, a credit for taxes they have already paid. In most cases, the tax credit does not cover all the expenses of an international adoption, but it does significantly help. To give you an idea, for 2011, adoptive families are eligible for a maximum of $13, 360 for 2011 returns. In our family, we have definitely relied on the tax credit for our previous two adoptions, and have been counting on it for this third one.
But, what do you think? For the 2012 year, the tax credit has drastically changed to a maximum of $12,170 for 2012 returns only. Furthermore, the 2012 Tax Credit will not be refundable for adoptions initiated after 2011, which means a large number of families may not be able to get any of their adoption-related expenses back (the average cost to adopt a child is $25k- $35k or more) and possibly prevent people from adopting a child at all.
And to make it even worse, in 2013 it will revert back to a maximum tax credit of $6,000 for parents adopting children with special needs, and there will be no adoption tax credit available for all other adoptive parents beginning in tax year 2013.
Will you please help by checking out this website and signing their petition? Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
http://www.change.org/petitions/make-adoption-costs-fully-refundable-in-the-2012-2013-tax-years#
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Community
A few weeks ago, our family had spring break in Tulsa. In addition to seeing the sights of that part of the Sooner State (the Oklahoma Museum of Natural History, the Oklahoma Aquarium, the Tulsa Air and Space Museum, and our hotel's water park), we participated in our agency's Guatemalan Heritage Weekend. The boys had a blast making volcanoes and other crafts, eating delicious food, playing games, and talking adoption. Most especially though, they enjoyed meeting and being with other kids that looked like them and were in multi-racial families just like them. We really loved the whole experience. It was most definitely worth the effort of getting there and those wacky toll roads.
We had a really fun day yesterday as well enjoying the company of a few other families in our area that are adopting from Honduras. It is so comforting to be around other people that know what you are talking about when you mention waiting and trusting, dossiers and referrals, attachment and cocooning, and all the other topics that are part and parcel of international adoption. They understand it because they have been living it and breathing it just as I have, and talking with them is just balm for my soul.
I am so blessed to be a part of this amazing adoption community: local, regional, and in the blog world too.
We had a really fun day yesterday as well enjoying the company of a few other families in our area that are adopting from Honduras. It is so comforting to be around other people that know what you are talking about when you mention waiting and trusting, dossiers and referrals, attachment and cocooning, and all the other topics that are part and parcel of international adoption. They understand it because they have been living it and breathing it just as I have, and talking with them is just balm for my soul.
I am so blessed to be a part of this amazing adoption community: local, regional, and in the blog world too.
Thursday, April 05, 2012
Even more referrals!
I heard last night from our agency that the assignment committee met again on Friday March 30th and made five assignments! Oh boy!! This is really good news on a few counts. First, as you may recall, the committee had just met the previous Friday and made two assignments, so the fact that they met again that soon is wonderful. And the fact that there were five more assignments is spectacular! One, two, three, four, five precious kiddos!! I am so happy for those involved. Furthermore, we heard that the assignments were made to families that were at the top of the list. So, in addition to children being placed with their forever families and families getting to welcome their new children and all the beauty and joy of that, I am selfish enough to get an extra thrill because these referrals affect our spot on the wait list. Just being honest here. We move up on the wait list only when people above us get referrals, and it sounds like this was the case with these referrals. So...I'm thinking that when the committee updates the wait list, which will probably occur around mid-April, we will be somewhere in the single digits. High single digits, but single digits nonetheless. The last piece of news was that we were told that the committee is hoping to continue to meet on a monthly basis. This is completely thrilling to me. That means that they might meet again at the end of April. I am trying to protect my heart, I am trying to not get too excited, but every effort to do so is failing. Hopefully soon, probably not April, but possibly May or June, we will get to hear about our new kiddos! I shouldn't be thinking ahead, but there you go. I can't help it. There could be delays, but I can't help but think that we are really getting close to seeing their precious faces, their beautiful eyes, their soft skin. Will there be one? Two? Boy? Girl? Boys? Girls? I am asking God for the desire of my heart, and I know in His goodness He will make the perfect addition to our family. Jesus, I trust in You!
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