I get told a lot that I am being so patient in waiting for this adoption. Honestly, I am far from patient. Yeah, I'm not having a full-blown temper tantrum like a three-year-old (that often at least!!), and I have progressed in patience from where I used to be, but when I look into my heart, I think I am just better at hiding the fact that I am still quite impatient. I don't think I am actively trying to hide it, it's just I know in my heart it is still there.
I know God's plan is best. I know it. I know God's timing is best. I know it. I know God is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving. I know it. I know from Scripture that all things work out for the good for those that love God. I know it. I know from the data of my own life that God always does so much better of a job at anything than I could even imagine. I.know.it. And yet how is it that I still grumble when things don't happen on my timetable? After all the good God has done, how can I still do that?
I heard someone say that they have spiritual amnesia. That sounds like a pretty apt description for what is going on here. And I guess I am just being too prideful (another of my many faults!) when I expect that I won't struggle with patience. Similarly, I think it is fair that I should expect myself to have matured in patience from when I was the three-year-old in the middle of the temper tantrum, but I would be awfully full of myself if got this patience thing right all the time. Also, if I am off being impatient about something in the future (our referral), am I missing out doing something that I should be doing now?
God is really good with me giving me these little lessons as we inch along with this adoption. I am going to go off and play Legos with a couple little boys I know, and thank God for them, and praise Him for the work He is doing in my heart and the work He is doing miles away in Honduras.