Precious boy,
You are 22 months old now! Yesterday was actually the day your turned 22 months, but we were busy all day doing fun family things, and I didn't get a chance to type anything on the blog. But I did think of you and your special day about a bazillion times. The highlight of our day was going to a model train show. Your brothers loved it. We had a great time watching various size model trains pull their stuff along their tracks. Beautiful trains and amazing layouts. The family favorite was a layout made entirely of Legos. It was really incredible. You will learn about Legos soon enough -- they play a big part in our everyday life. We've got a big container of Duplos waiting just for you!
We also got your brothers their Halloween costumes. I had been holding off on that, not being too sure whether we would be here in the States or there with you for Halloween. Though I still don't like to predict what will be the story at month's end, it seemed a good idea to at least get a pair of costumes. Now we have a very cute astonaut and a very cute Superman running around the house, and how can you go wrong with that?
I miss you precious boy. I wish we were there with you now. I wish I could look in those big dark eyes of yours and kiss your cheeks, 1000 times for every day we have been apart, and just hold you and hold you and hold you. Hopefully soon my dear one. I love love love you.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Friday, October 05, 2012
In a good place
It has been a few weeks since I have posted anything on this blog, and for no real reason other than I didn't have much to say and I have been rather busy. Actually, I guess those are two very good reasons to stay quiet! But several folks have asked how I am doing and what is going on, so I'm make a quick update.
In short, I am in a good place! I honestly had really really been dreading this part of the adoption journey. I thought after having met our son and spent a bit of time with him, that having to return home without him for some untold number of months would be excrutiatingly painful for me, and as a result for everyone around me. Of course, I do miss him. Of course, of course, of course. I think of him and say a little prayer for him frequently during the day. But I am not sad and am not moping around and I don't think I am adding to the stress level of those around me (any more than normal, that is!). I can only think that God is being especially kind to me, and busloads of people are praying big time, and for both of those I am hugely grateful.
Evenings and weekends have been filled up with the regular things of life: homework, dinner, playing with the boys, going here or there. And the daytime hours have been somewhat filled up too. I don't know how it is possible, but it is not uncommon for me to come back home after dropping the boys off at school and going to Mass, then I get involved with something, and before I know it, it is afternoon already and nearly time to go get the boys again. And before I know it, it's Friday again just like it is today.
I have been making a conscious effort to fill my days will good things, so have met several times with my prayer group, or my Bible study group, or been working on my school work (which is St. John's gospel this semester, by the way), or met with friends or family members, or practiced music for choir, or helped out at school or elsewhere. Or when I can't think of anything else to do, there's always cleaning the house, though I try to do that in moderation! :D
There is no word to share on our case. Realistically though, I'm not sure that there really could be anything to provide as an update, until everything is ready for us to travel again and sign the final adoption decree and bring back our sweet little boy. It's either they're not yet done processing our case, or they are done processing our case and we need to travel. So I don't expect anything until that time. When will it be is the million dollar question. I'm thinking anytime from around the end of this month to the end of the year. Obviously I am hoping for as soon as possible. Our attorney said it would likely be two months from when we petitioned the court, and we were at court on August 25th. I am really hoping and praying everything is complete within two months of that date, which would be October 25th. The later it gets toward the end of the year, and things generally start to slow down for the Christmas season. Although I bet it is gorgeous in Honduras for Christmas, I would really prefer that our trip need be no more than four to six weeks and we are all set to go home by then. Really hoping and praying for that.
And the other thing relates to the adoption tax credit. As yet, Congress has not acted to extend the adoption tax credit, and unless they extend it, the credit will end after this year. Which means that adoptions would need to be finalized by the end of this year in order to receive the tax credit. We are really counting on that tax credit. Really counting on it. So, if I can ask you once again, if you haven't contacted your Congressmen to ask them to extend it, please do that. It will make a huge difference for us and for many many other adopting families. Refer to my archived blog posts if you need more information on the tax credit.
Thank you so much my friends!
In short, I am in a good place! I honestly had really really been dreading this part of the adoption journey. I thought after having met our son and spent a bit of time with him, that having to return home without him for some untold number of months would be excrutiatingly painful for me, and as a result for everyone around me. Of course, I do miss him. Of course, of course, of course. I think of him and say a little prayer for him frequently during the day. But I am not sad and am not moping around and I don't think I am adding to the stress level of those around me (any more than normal, that is!). I can only think that God is being especially kind to me, and busloads of people are praying big time, and for both of those I am hugely grateful.
Evenings and weekends have been filled up with the regular things of life: homework, dinner, playing with the boys, going here or there. And the daytime hours have been somewhat filled up too. I don't know how it is possible, but it is not uncommon for me to come back home after dropping the boys off at school and going to Mass, then I get involved with something, and before I know it, it is afternoon already and nearly time to go get the boys again. And before I know it, it's Friday again just like it is today.
I have been making a conscious effort to fill my days will good things, so have met several times with my prayer group, or my Bible study group, or been working on my school work (which is St. John's gospel this semester, by the way), or met with friends or family members, or practiced music for choir, or helped out at school or elsewhere. Or when I can't think of anything else to do, there's always cleaning the house, though I try to do that in moderation! :D
There is no word to share on our case. Realistically though, I'm not sure that there really could be anything to provide as an update, until everything is ready for us to travel again and sign the final adoption decree and bring back our sweet little boy. It's either they're not yet done processing our case, or they are done processing our case and we need to travel. So I don't expect anything until that time. When will it be is the million dollar question. I'm thinking anytime from around the end of this month to the end of the year. Obviously I am hoping for as soon as possible. Our attorney said it would likely be two months from when we petitioned the court, and we were at court on August 25th. I am really hoping and praying everything is complete within two months of that date, which would be October 25th. The later it gets toward the end of the year, and things generally start to slow down for the Christmas season. Although I bet it is gorgeous in Honduras for Christmas, I would really prefer that our trip need be no more than four to six weeks and we are all set to go home by then. Really hoping and praying for that.
And the other thing relates to the adoption tax credit. As yet, Congress has not acted to extend the adoption tax credit, and unless they extend it, the credit will end after this year. Which means that adoptions would need to be finalized by the end of this year in order to receive the tax credit. We are really counting on that tax credit. Really counting on it. So, if I can ask you once again, if you haven't contacted your Congressmen to ask them to extend it, please do that. It will make a huge difference for us and for many many other adopting families. Refer to my archived blog posts if you need more information on the tax credit.
Thank you so much my friends!
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Following His direction
I was able to attend my Tuesday morning prayer and discussion group this morning. So happy about that. When the boys were out of school during the summer, I had to forgo the discussion group, and this was actually only the second time that I have been able to participate since school started back up. It was great to be there.
This morning at Mass, the gospel reading was about Jesus raising from the dead the son of the widow from Nain. Even though Fr. B's homily only took a few minutes (this is generally the case for a weekday Mass), he provided some spiritual food which I have thought about much today. In the account, Jesus and his followers met the funeral procession at the gate of the city. Fr. B mentioned that the way it was written, you could almost read it to say that Jesus "just happened" to be there, and "just happened" to see the procession and learn that this was the widow's only son and decided then and there to help her out. Of course, Jesus knew what he was about. Things don't take God by surprise. He went there in order to raise the man. I know God is in the details, but I had never thought about it before that Jesus went there to Nain on purpose. I love the image of Jesus walking to Nain with the intent of raising the dead man and comforting his mother. He went there on purpose, so it wasn't "out of his way" per se, but I wonder what his followers thought. Did they give it any thought at the time? Were they thinking: "Where are we going? Are we just wandering around or is there some kind of purpose? What are we doing going to this city?" Did it occur to them as soon as the man was raised that Jesus was traveling there on purpose or did they have an aha moment much much later?
I wonder if there was anyone in the group that was petitioning and pestering our Lord to go to another place. "It's a better road over this way. Much safer for travelers. The accomodations are better in the city over there. The food is better. I have relatives there, and they'll provide us excellent hospitality. We won't have to walk as far." etc etc etc. Someone logical. Someone opinionated. Someone used to coming up with plans and solving problems and doing a lot of nudging. Someone that might engage in some eye rolling and jaw clenching when her ideas are not accepted.
Someone like me.
I can just imagine Jesus' face, listening patiently with a little bit of a smile. I can imagine him thinking "I love your enthusiasm, Kiddo, but I got this."
And then he goes and raises the man from the dead.
Yeah, that beats better food and a safer road.
I feel like I have to learn this lesson over and over again. Like Jesus' steps to Nain were on purpose, God also has a direction for me. A plan for me. Work that he has for me to do. Not just random assignments that anyone could do, but work specifically for me. Work that I have been designed for and prepared for, work where I can do the most good and also which will bring me the most joy.
Yet I am stubborn, and I still rebel when the car in front of me has a driver that insists on texting at the stop light, only to use so much time that I miss the light. I still grumble when the printer is out of paper, and I have to make a special trip to the store, and miss out on the efficiency of getting something else on my to-do list accomplished. But in all those run arounds and inefficiencies, did I end up in a place I hadn't expected at a time I hadn't expected and doing something much more important?
I have much to learn.
This morning at Mass, the gospel reading was about Jesus raising from the dead the son of the widow from Nain. Even though Fr. B's homily only took a few minutes (this is generally the case for a weekday Mass), he provided some spiritual food which I have thought about much today. In the account, Jesus and his followers met the funeral procession at the gate of the city. Fr. B mentioned that the way it was written, you could almost read it to say that Jesus "just happened" to be there, and "just happened" to see the procession and learn that this was the widow's only son and decided then and there to help her out. Of course, Jesus knew what he was about. Things don't take God by surprise. He went there in order to raise the man. I know God is in the details, but I had never thought about it before that Jesus went there to Nain on purpose. I love the image of Jesus walking to Nain with the intent of raising the dead man and comforting his mother. He went there on purpose, so it wasn't "out of his way" per se, but I wonder what his followers thought. Did they give it any thought at the time? Were they thinking: "Where are we going? Are we just wandering around or is there some kind of purpose? What are we doing going to this city?" Did it occur to them as soon as the man was raised that Jesus was traveling there on purpose or did they have an aha moment much much later?
I wonder if there was anyone in the group that was petitioning and pestering our Lord to go to another place. "It's a better road over this way. Much safer for travelers. The accomodations are better in the city over there. The food is better. I have relatives there, and they'll provide us excellent hospitality. We won't have to walk as far." etc etc etc. Someone logical. Someone opinionated. Someone used to coming up with plans and solving problems and doing a lot of nudging. Someone that might engage in some eye rolling and jaw clenching when her ideas are not accepted.
Someone like me.
I can just imagine Jesus' face, listening patiently with a little bit of a smile. I can imagine him thinking "I love your enthusiasm, Kiddo, but I got this."
And then he goes and raises the man from the dead.
Yeah, that beats better food and a safer road.
I feel like I have to learn this lesson over and over again. Like Jesus' steps to Nain were on purpose, God also has a direction for me. A plan for me. Work that he has for me to do. Not just random assignments that anyone could do, but work specifically for me. Work that I have been designed for and prepared for, work where I can do the most good and also which will bring me the most joy.
Yet I am stubborn, and I still rebel when the car in front of me has a driver that insists on texting at the stop light, only to use so much time that I miss the light. I still grumble when the printer is out of paper, and I have to make a special trip to the store, and miss out on the efficiency of getting something else on my to-do list accomplished. But in all those run arounds and inefficiencies, did I end up in a place I hadn't expected at a time I hadn't expected and doing something much more important?
I have much to learn.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
21 months
Precious boy,
You are 21 months old today! Such a great big boy, but still my little baby boy too. It has been two months now since we first learned about you and saw your photo, and nearly a month since we first held you. I wonder how much you have grown since then. I wonder what you have learned and what new things you can do. I wonder if you are saying more words. I wonder if you remember me.
We miss you sweet boy, and are really looking forward to seeing you soon. I can't wait to snuggle with you again, to cover you with kisses, to play with you, to laugh with you, to read stories with you, and to just look at your adorable face once again.
I love you, mi precioso!
You are 21 months old today! Such a great big boy, but still my little baby boy too. It has been two months now since we first learned about you and saw your photo, and nearly a month since we first held you. I wonder how much you have grown since then. I wonder what you have learned and what new things you can do. I wonder if you are saying more words. I wonder if you remember me.
We miss you sweet boy, and are really looking forward to seeing you soon. I can't wait to snuggle with you again, to cover you with kisses, to play with you, to laugh with you, to read stories with you, and to just look at your adorable face once again.
I love you, mi precioso!
Friday, September 07, 2012
Thinking about our little guy
I've been thinking a lot about our little guy. I know, big shocker there!!
Part of me can still hardly believe that it is actually true, that after that long long wait, we finally did receive a referral. That we learned our travel dates. That we travelled. That we had the interviews and took the tests. That we met our son!! That he was with us for 48 precious hours. That we played with him, and sang to him, and read him books, and fed him, and snuggled with him, and kissed him about a bazillion times. And that (ugh!) we left without him. That is actually happened and wasn't just some dream.
It is just so wonderful to know that all those things actually did occur, and now we are just waiting to hear that the court is done with its work on our case, and we can travel back and finalize everything. It has been two weeks since we filed our papers at court. Not really all that long in the scheme of things. We were told at the time that it would be around two months before our second trip. If that is true, then we are 25% through the wait until our second trip! WOW!! Put that way, it doesn't seem bad at all. Of course, it could be something more along the lines of two to four months until we fly, in which case we are about 12-25% through our wait.
So what do we do? We wait. We pray. We keep living life here, living in the present as much as possible, and being in the moment. We have real life duties here every day and tons of tasks ahead of us, most of which bring lots of joy. Not gonna lie -- the process of cleaning the bathrooms doesn't actually bring me joy, especially the boys' bathroom, but I am oh so glad I have two bathrooms, and that they are indoors, and that the plumbing works a-ok, and that it's a big rarity when I ever have to wait for the bathroom.
And in those moments when I am on a task that I can spare a few brain cells for some multi-tasking, I remember that sweet little boy. And you know that the edges of my mouth cannot help but to turn into a little smile at just the thought of him. That sweet face and big eyes and precious smile. And that cute little way he would do that pointing thing. And that adorable way that he fed us Cheerios. And that studious way that he would work those stacking cups to get them to fit together or look at the pages of a book. And that snuggly way that he would curl into my arms when I would walk him around and stroke his back. And that baby bird way that he would open his mouth so wide for a spoonful of eggs or potatoes or chicken or fruit. And that way he would laugh with abandon when Jerry tickled him, and then would pretend he was asleep so Jerry would tickle him some more. And that happy way he would play with the truck, the train, the ball.
We are so looking forward to seeing you again mi hijito!!!
Part of me can still hardly believe that it is actually true, that after that long long wait, we finally did receive a referral. That we learned our travel dates. That we travelled. That we had the interviews and took the tests. That we met our son!! That he was with us for 48 precious hours. That we played with him, and sang to him, and read him books, and fed him, and snuggled with him, and kissed him about a bazillion times. And that (ugh!) we left without him. That is actually happened and wasn't just some dream.
It is just so wonderful to know that all those things actually did occur, and now we are just waiting to hear that the court is done with its work on our case, and we can travel back and finalize everything. It has been two weeks since we filed our papers at court. Not really all that long in the scheme of things. We were told at the time that it would be around two months before our second trip. If that is true, then we are 25% through the wait until our second trip! WOW!! Put that way, it doesn't seem bad at all. Of course, it could be something more along the lines of two to four months until we fly, in which case we are about 12-25% through our wait.
So what do we do? We wait. We pray. We keep living life here, living in the present as much as possible, and being in the moment. We have real life duties here every day and tons of tasks ahead of us, most of which bring lots of joy. Not gonna lie -- the process of cleaning the bathrooms doesn't actually bring me joy, especially the boys' bathroom, but I am oh so glad I have two bathrooms, and that they are indoors, and that the plumbing works a-ok, and that it's a big rarity when I ever have to wait for the bathroom.
And in those moments when I am on a task that I can spare a few brain cells for some multi-tasking, I remember that sweet little boy. And you know that the edges of my mouth cannot help but to turn into a little smile at just the thought of him. That sweet face and big eyes and precious smile. And that cute little way he would do that pointing thing. And that adorable way that he fed us Cheerios. And that studious way that he would work those stacking cups to get them to fit together or look at the pages of a book. And that snuggly way that he would curl into my arms when I would walk him around and stroke his back. And that baby bird way that he would open his mouth so wide for a spoonful of eggs or potatoes or chicken or fruit. And that way he would laugh with abandon when Jerry tickled him, and then would pretend he was asleep so Jerry would tickle him some more. And that happy way he would play with the truck, the train, the ball.
We are so looking forward to seeing you again mi hijito!!!
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Rejoicing in my vocation
As you can see from the blog list over there on the right, I follow several blogs. Many of them have truly enriched my life and taught me so many lessons about deep faith in God, adoption, parenting, and some plain funny stories! Some blogs I have been reading for well over a year, others not nearly that long. A few are written by people I actually have seen in real life and had multiple conversations with and done stuff with. You know, a real-life friend! Which means that most of these blogs are written by people that I have never actually seen face to face. I still consider many of them to be dear friends though, something that my husband does not quite get. I have on several occasions relayed stories to him that I have read on someone's blog, talking to him as if I were talking about a real friend (which, in my head, I am), and he'll just say, "Who????" and "When did I meet them?" or something very sensible like that. And I'll respond with something like, "Well...I haven't actually ever technically met them in person, but we've talked on the phone, or we've emailed back and forth, or I've been reading their blog for a very long time, or ...." And he gives me that look that I am very familiar with at this point after eleven years of marriage. Maybe you get that look too: that oh-my-wife-is-just-so-amusing-with-her-funny-little-quirks-but-I-better-keep-my-comments to-myself-and-not-upset-her kind of looks.
With that long preface, I wanted to specifically point out the blog Babe of My Heart. I don't know now how I ever found it, other than it was listed on someone else's blog, and I don't know how I found that one. Starting about a year ago, I would check it out once in a while, but all this summer I have been hanging on every post written by a mom named Andrea. She and her family were hosting a fifteen year old Ukrainian girl for the summer, and it was so interesting watching God act in the life of this family: would the girl go back to the Ukraine? would the family adopt her? what will happen next? etc etc etc. I could not do the beautiful story justice with a brief recap here, but I would seriously encourage you to read through the past posts, starting June 28, to see a truly beautiful incredible amazing story of love and faithfulness.
One thing I will mention, though, is something that Andrea said at one point a few weeks ago. It was right before we flew to Honduras to meet our precious little boy for the first time. She was talking about how the Lord was calling her to love this girl for the summer, not to adopt her, to trust Him, and to wait. There was a need there, she saw a need, but she was not called to meet that need. She was just called to love, to trust Him, and to wait. She couldn't see the whole picture. She didn't know what would happen. She felt such angst not to grab the situation by the horns and take control, she shed so many tears for this girl, but she trusted that God had a plan. Oh man He had a plan alright. A my-ways-are-above-your-ways kind of plan. Waaaaaaaaaay above your ways kind of plan. The thing that got me was the part about Andrea seeing the need but knowing that God was not calling her to meet the need. He was calling her to love, to trust Him, and to wait because it was His plan that someone else meet the need. She realized that she could meet the need, or at least she could try to meet the need. And realistically, she would probably do a decent job at it. But, it would not be His way. His way was so much better.
That part really spoke to me. I love the way she was able to put it in words and illustrate the story so beautifully. It helps me to articulate the difference between being called by God to do something vs. deciding on one's own to do something.
I think some people wonder why we decided to pursue this third adoption. Why not just quit while we're ahead with our other precious boys and enjoy them? Why subject ourselves to all that paperwork, all that expense, all that waiting? Why go back and do diapers and sleepless nights again? What if we got someone "weird?" (I can hear ol' Pat Robertson now, but don't get me started on him.) Why, in fact, adopt at all?
What I can say is that we knew that God was calling us to it. He put another child on our heart. We. knew. it. It wasn't like I was just bored sitting around the house looking for a "project," and I badgered and badgered my husband until he finally agreed just to get me to shut up. In the same way that I knew that Jerry was the man for me, and vice versa (good thing!), we knew that God had another child for us. He called us to adopt this specific child. We didn't know whom of course, but God did. He knew from all eternity. He called us specifically to this adoption. To this child. It is his plan for our family. It is our vocation. We could have said no, could have ignored His promptings. For that matter, we could have said no to any of these three adoptions. As Jerry says, we could have just lived a fun, easy, sterile life. But we agreed to follow His plan and stepped forward, not knowing how the details would specifically work out, but trusting that God is in fact God. And it is when we have faith and follow His plan for our lives that we find the joy that He wants to lavish upon us. His plan involves prayer and discernment, and work, and sacrifice, and undoubtedly a fair bit of suffering and pain (can't avoid that), but it is there in His specific plan for our specific lives that we find Him and we find the most joyful place we can be this side of heaven.
This is the thing I never understood as a kid or teenager or even early in my adulthood. I didn't get it until I had been well into my walk with God. God loves me individually. He loves all of us, but as His own individual children, not just a whole mob of people. He knows us inside and out. He knew us from all eternity, before there was time, before we were conceived, before our great-grandparents were conceived. He knows everything about us. Of course He does: He made us. Who could know us better than the One that designed (and numbered) the hairs on our head, the freckles on our nose, the size of our feet. The One that was willing to die for us so that we could spend eternity with Him. He has an individual plan for our individual lives that will bring us the most joy that we can possibly have. And when we say no to His plan, or when we sin, He understands. He knows what temptation is -- He experienced it first-hand. Of course, He didn't succumb to it, but He sure knows what it is like. I heard a great quote today: opportunity may only knock once, but temptation keeps banging on the door. Anyway, He knows our human nature. He experienced that too, in the flesh. He knows that we can be full of fear, that we just want love and understanding, and can do all sorts of whacky things in search of it. He knows how easy it is for us to forget the simplest lessons. He is there with us all the time, just waiting for us to call to Him for help when we need it, or just to shout out a big Thank you when we finally remember to say it.
I pray for the grace to always follow His perfect plan for me.
With that long preface, I wanted to specifically point out the blog Babe of My Heart. I don't know now how I ever found it, other than it was listed on someone else's blog, and I don't know how I found that one. Starting about a year ago, I would check it out once in a while, but all this summer I have been hanging on every post written by a mom named Andrea. She and her family were hosting a fifteen year old Ukrainian girl for the summer, and it was so interesting watching God act in the life of this family: would the girl go back to the Ukraine? would the family adopt her? what will happen next? etc etc etc. I could not do the beautiful story justice with a brief recap here, but I would seriously encourage you to read through the past posts, starting June 28, to see a truly beautiful incredible amazing story of love and faithfulness.
One thing I will mention, though, is something that Andrea said at one point a few weeks ago. It was right before we flew to Honduras to meet our precious little boy for the first time. She was talking about how the Lord was calling her to love this girl for the summer, not to adopt her, to trust Him, and to wait. There was a need there, she saw a need, but she was not called to meet that need. She was just called to love, to trust Him, and to wait. She couldn't see the whole picture. She didn't know what would happen. She felt such angst not to grab the situation by the horns and take control, she shed so many tears for this girl, but she trusted that God had a plan. Oh man He had a plan alright. A my-ways-are-above-your-ways kind of plan. Waaaaaaaaaay above your ways kind of plan. The thing that got me was the part about Andrea seeing the need but knowing that God was not calling her to meet the need. He was calling her to love, to trust Him, and to wait because it was His plan that someone else meet the need. She realized that she could meet the need, or at least she could try to meet the need. And realistically, she would probably do a decent job at it. But, it would not be His way. His way was so much better.
That part really spoke to me. I love the way she was able to put it in words and illustrate the story so beautifully. It helps me to articulate the difference between being called by God to do something vs. deciding on one's own to do something.
I think some people wonder why we decided to pursue this third adoption. Why not just quit while we're ahead with our other precious boys and enjoy them? Why subject ourselves to all that paperwork, all that expense, all that waiting? Why go back and do diapers and sleepless nights again? What if we got someone "weird?" (I can hear ol' Pat Robertson now, but don't get me started on him.) Why, in fact, adopt at all?
What I can say is that we knew that God was calling us to it. He put another child on our heart. We. knew. it. It wasn't like I was just bored sitting around the house looking for a "project," and I badgered and badgered my husband until he finally agreed just to get me to shut up. In the same way that I knew that Jerry was the man for me, and vice versa (good thing!), we knew that God had another child for us. He called us to adopt this specific child. We didn't know whom of course, but God did. He knew from all eternity. He called us specifically to this adoption. To this child. It is his plan for our family. It is our vocation. We could have said no, could have ignored His promptings. For that matter, we could have said no to any of these three adoptions. As Jerry says, we could have just lived a fun, easy, sterile life. But we agreed to follow His plan and stepped forward, not knowing how the details would specifically work out, but trusting that God is in fact God. And it is when we have faith and follow His plan for our lives that we find the joy that He wants to lavish upon us. His plan involves prayer and discernment, and work, and sacrifice, and undoubtedly a fair bit of suffering and pain (can't avoid that), but it is there in His specific plan for our specific lives that we find Him and we find the most joyful place we can be this side of heaven.
This is the thing I never understood as a kid or teenager or even early in my adulthood. I didn't get it until I had been well into my walk with God. God loves me individually. He loves all of us, but as His own individual children, not just a whole mob of people. He knows us inside and out. He knew us from all eternity, before there was time, before we were conceived, before our great-grandparents were conceived. He knows everything about us. Of course He does: He made us. Who could know us better than the One that designed (and numbered) the hairs on our head, the freckles on our nose, the size of our feet. The One that was willing to die for us so that we could spend eternity with Him. He has an individual plan for our individual lives that will bring us the most joy that we can possibly have. And when we say no to His plan, or when we sin, He understands. He knows what temptation is -- He experienced it first-hand. Of course, He didn't succumb to it, but He sure knows what it is like. I heard a great quote today: opportunity may only knock once, but temptation keeps banging on the door. Anyway, He knows our human nature. He experienced that too, in the flesh. He knows that we can be full of fear, that we just want love and understanding, and can do all sorts of whacky things in search of it. He knows how easy it is for us to forget the simplest lessons. He is there with us all the time, just waiting for us to call to Him for help when we need it, or just to shout out a big Thank you when we finally remember to say it.
I pray for the grace to always follow His perfect plan for me.
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