As you can see from the blog list over there on the right, I follow several blogs. Many of them have truly enriched my life and taught me so many lessons about deep faith in God, adoption, parenting, and some plain funny stories! Some blogs I have been reading for well over a year, others not nearly that long. A few are written by people I actually have seen in real life and had multiple conversations with and done stuff with. You know, a real-life friend! Which means that most of these blogs are written by people that I have never actually seen face to face. I still consider many of them to be dear friends though, something that my husband does not quite get. I have on several occasions relayed stories to him that I have read on someone's blog, talking to him as if I were talking about a real friend (which, in my head, I am), and he'll just say, "Who????" and "When did I meet them?" or something very sensible like that. And I'll respond with something like, "Well...I haven't actually ever technically met them in person, but we've talked on the phone, or we've emailed back and forth, or I've been reading their blog for a very long time, or ...." And he gives me that look that I am very familiar with at this point after eleven years of marriage. Maybe you get that look too: that oh-my-wife-is-just-so-amusing-with-her-funny-little-quirks-but-I-better-keep-my-comments to-myself-and-not-upset-her kind of looks.
With that long preface, I wanted to specifically point out the blog Babe of My Heart. I don't know now how I ever found it, other than it was listed on someone else's blog, and I don't know how I found that one. Starting about a year ago, I would check it out once in a while, but all this summer I have been hanging on every post written by a mom named Andrea. She and her family were hosting a fifteen year old Ukrainian girl for the summer, and it was so interesting watching God act in the life of this family: would the girl go back to the Ukraine? would the family adopt her? what will happen next? etc etc etc. I could not do the beautiful story justice with a brief recap here, but I would seriously encourage you to read through the past posts, starting June 28, to see a truly beautiful incredible amazing story of love and faithfulness.
One thing I will mention, though, is something that Andrea said at one point a few weeks ago. It was right before we flew to Honduras to meet our precious little boy for the first time. She was talking about how the Lord was calling her to love this girl for the summer, not to adopt her, to trust Him, and to wait. There was a need there, she saw a need, but she was not called to meet that need. She was just called to love, to trust Him, and to wait. She couldn't see the whole picture. She didn't know what would happen. She felt such angst not to grab the situation by the horns and take control, she shed so many tears for this girl, but she trusted that God had a plan. Oh man He had a plan alright. A my-ways-are-above-your-ways kind of plan. Waaaaaaaaaay above your ways kind of plan. The thing that got me was the part about Andrea seeing the need but knowing that God was not calling her to meet the need. He was calling her to love, to trust Him, and to wait because it was His plan that someone else meet the need. She realized that she could meet the need, or at least she could try to meet the need. And realistically, she would probably do a decent job at it. But, it would not be His way. His way was so much better.
That part really spoke to me. I love the way she was able to put it in words and illustrate the story so beautifully. It helps me to articulate the difference between being called by God to do something vs. deciding on one's own to do something.
I think some people wonder why we decided to pursue this third adoption. Why not just quit while we're ahead with our other precious boys and enjoy them? Why subject ourselves to all that paperwork, all that expense, all that waiting? Why go back and do diapers and sleepless nights again? What if we got someone "weird?" (I can hear ol' Pat Robertson now, but don't get me started on him.) Why, in fact, adopt at all?
What I can say is that we knew that God was calling us to it. He put another child on our heart. We. knew. it. It wasn't like I was just bored sitting around the house looking for a "project," and I badgered and badgered my husband until he finally agreed just to get me to shut up. In the same way that I knew that Jerry was the man for me, and vice versa (good thing!), we knew that God had another child for us. He called us to adopt this specific child. We didn't know whom of course, but God did. He knew from all eternity. He called us specifically to this adoption. To this child. It is his plan for our family. It is our vocation. We could have said no, could have ignored His promptings. For that matter, we could have said no to any of these three adoptions. As Jerry says, we could have just lived a fun, easy, sterile life. But we agreed to follow His plan and stepped forward, not knowing how the details would specifically work out, but trusting that God is in fact God. And it is when we have faith and follow His plan for our lives that we find the joy that He wants to lavish upon us. His plan involves prayer and discernment, and work, and sacrifice, and undoubtedly a fair bit of suffering and pain (can't avoid that), but it is there in His specific plan for our specific lives that we find Him and we find the most joyful place we can be this side of heaven.
This is the thing I never understood as a kid or teenager or even early in my adulthood. I didn't get it until I had been well into my walk with God. God loves me individually. He loves all of us, but as His own individual children, not just a whole mob of people. He knows us inside and out. He knew us from all eternity, before there was time, before we were conceived, before our great-grandparents were conceived. He knows everything about us. Of course He does: He made us. Who could know us better than the One that designed (and numbered) the hairs on our head, the freckles on our nose, the size of our feet. The One that was willing to die for us so that we could spend eternity with Him. He has an individual plan for our individual lives that will bring us the most joy that we can possibly have. And when we say no to His plan, or when we sin, He understands. He knows what temptation is -- He experienced it first-hand. Of course, He didn't succumb to it, but He sure knows what it is like. I heard a great quote today: opportunity may only knock once, but temptation keeps banging on the door. Anyway, He knows our human nature. He experienced that too, in the flesh. He knows that we can be full of fear, that we just want love and understanding, and can do all sorts of whacky things in search of it. He knows how easy it is for us to forget the simplest lessons. He is there with us all the time, just waiting for us to call to Him for help when we need it, or just to shout out a big Thank you when we finally remember to say it.
I pray for the grace to always follow His perfect plan for me.