Keep on keepin' on

That little ticker up there is getting close to a big big date.  Hard to believe we have been at this adoption for such a long time, and we are not even in the home stretch yet.  I'm defining the "home stretch" as when we are actually on our pickup trip, or when we learn the dates of our pickup trip, which we don't know yet and don't know when we will know.  So mentally, I am just keep on keepin' on.

The good news is that the strike is over.  There was a strike earlier this month that lasted just over two weeks, delaying all progress on our case.  I am seriously glad it is over, as each day of it felt like a bit of lead in my stomach, just sitting there in the pit of my stomach.  Of course, I can't blame people for stopping work when they aren't getting paid, but I just want my baby.

Last week was officially two months since we submitted our dossier and our son's paperwork to court.  While we were in country, our attorney had estimated that it would likely be two months until we would get the call for our pickup trip.  That clearly has not happened yet.  I know from other people it took four months for them to get the call, so I guess we are in that zone of "it could be anyday now" and we could be in that zone for quite a while.

I just re-read the preceding three paragraphs, and the tone sounds like I am angry.  I'm really not.  I'm not sad either, or depressed, or anything along those lines.  I'm still (mostly) in a good place, but the euphoria is (mostly) gone, and I am just pressing ahead every day.  I'm not a marathon runner (I just chase kids in the backyard), but maybe this is what "the wall" is like.  Maybe not.  Maybe I'm not there yet.  Maybe I'm still in that middle stretch where it is hard, where it has been hard for a while, but it's not yet as painful as it will be.

How am I getting by each day?  Well, it is basically the same recipe each day.  I pray, I hope, I trust, and I keep busy.  I focus on myself as little as possible, and every day I work hard recalling as many blessings as possible.  That always puts me in a good frame of mind.  I'm not saying this as "hey check me out, I've got it all figured out."  Just that I know there are lots of people reading this that are waiting as well, and I offer that as a helpful hint to take (or not) as you see fit.

God has been really great at giving me lots of little gifts over the last couple months.  Really wonderful gifts which have helped me focus on the good, and which have generally been for brief periods of time (so I figure I can do them, or if we get our call to travel before they are completed, I won't miss too much).  And most of them have been free, which is definitely good for the pocketbook right about now, and made it possible for me to sign up for them.  One of those little gifts was a course on St. John's Gospel, which I really enjoyed.  It was self-directed, so I could use a schedule that worked for me, and I ended up completing it early.  But before I had completed it, my parish had started a Bible Study on 1 and 2 Peter.  Really great stuff, and because both letters are very short, the study is not very long.  It ends next week, as a matter of fact.  But, I also heard about an online course through Hillsdale College on Western Heritage, that is absolutely fascinating.  We are entering the third week, and I am learning all sorts of things I wish I had studied in college, but then again, I don't think I would have appreciated it then like I do now.  It is really wonderful, and I look forward to each lecture.  Can't wait till the new one shows up on the website later today!  The Greek Miracle, I think it is called.  Should be incredibly interesting.  We are also doing a ten-week DVD series at our parish entitled Catholicism, by Fr. Robert Barron, that is breathtakingly beautiful and wonderful.  Again, it is not too long and is free.  We're starting week three, and if I am around for the whole thing, I'll learn a whole lot, but if we get called to travel before it is over, none of my time would be wasted.  And finally, there is a Life in the Spirit Seminar, seven weeks long, and we're in week three for that as well, and it has been nice to participate in that as well.

There have been various events and get-togethers too for us to have fun as a family, and as long as it is ok to rsvp just a week or less in advance, that has been working out well too.  For example, we had a Cub Scout campout this weekend.  It was great great fun, and we could literally decide to go or not at the last minute.  In fact, we weren't sure we were going to spend the night until that very day, because the weather prediction was for nighttime lows of about 32 degrees, and we wanted to make sure we could get some decent sleeping bags before we committed.  We did, and had a great time.  And I think the boys will earn their "freeze out" badges for camping in weather that cold!  Even I feel like it was a big accomplishment.  We wore lots of layers of warm clothes, had good sleeping bags, and used air mattresses to get our bodies off that very cold ground.  The boys slept through the whole night with no problems at all, and in fact were warm enough they didn't even wear hats or mittens to sleep.  I did, but I am the cold one of the family.  Anyway, it was a ton of fun, the boys played for hours in the woods with their fellow scouts, and I am really happy that we were able to do it.  Plus, is there anything better than hot dogs and s'mores made over an open fire?  Of course, had we been in Honduras and missed the whole trip, I don't think any of us would have complained, but in that we were here, it was a great thing to do.

So, that's about it for me for now.  Thank you for your prayers, for us and for our little adorable sweetheart (who I hope remembers us), and best wishes for you in your keep on keepin' on too!

22 months old!

Precious boy,

You are 22 months old now!  Yesterday was actually the day your turned 22 months, but we were busy all day doing fun family things, and I didn't get a chance to type anything on the blog.  But I did think of you and your special day about a bazillion times.  The highlight of our day was going to a model train show.  Your brothers loved it.  We had a great time watching various size model trains pull their stuff along their tracks.  Beautiful trains and amazing layouts.  The family favorite was a layout made entirely of Legos.  It was really incredible.  You will learn about Legos soon enough -- they play a big part in our everyday life.  We've got a big container of Duplos waiting just for you!

We also got your brothers their Halloween costumes.  I had been holding off on that, not being too sure whether we would be here in the States or there with you for Halloween.  Though I still don't like to predict what will be the story at month's end, it seemed a good idea to at least get a pair of costumes.  Now we have a very cute astonaut and a very cute Superman running around the house, and how can you go wrong with that?

I miss you precious boy.  I wish we were there with you now.  I wish I could look in those big dark eyes of yours and kiss your cheeks, 1000 times for every day we have been apart, and just hold you and hold you and hold you.  Hopefully soon my dear one.  I love love love you.

In a good place

It has been a few weeks since I have posted anything on this blog, and for no real reason other than I didn't have much to say and I have been rather busy.  Actually, I guess those are two very good reasons to stay quiet!  But several folks have asked how I am doing and what is going on, so I'm make a quick update.

In short, I am in a good place!  I honestly had really really been dreading this part of the adoption journey.  I thought after having met our son and spent a bit of time with him, that having to return home without him for some untold number of months would be excrutiatingly painful for me, and as a result for everyone around me.  Of course, I do miss him.  Of course, of course, of course.  I think of him and say a little prayer for him frequently during the day.  But I am not sad and am not moping around and I don't think I am adding to the stress level of those around me (any more than normal, that is!).  I can only think that God is being especially kind to me, and busloads of people are praying big time, and for both of those I am hugely grateful.

Evenings and weekends have been filled up with the regular things of life:  homework, dinner, playing with the boys, going here or there.  And the daytime hours have been somewhat filled up too.  I don't know how it is possible, but it is not uncommon for me to come back home after dropping the boys off at school and going to Mass, then I get involved with something, and before I know it, it is afternoon already and nearly time to go get the boys again.  And before I know it, it's Friday again just like it is today.

I have been making a conscious effort to fill my days will good things, so have met several times with my prayer group, or my Bible study group, or been working on my school work (which is St. John's gospel this semester, by the way), or met with friends or family members, or practiced music for choir, or helped out at school or elsewhere.  Or when I can't think of anything else to do, there's always cleaning the house, though I try to do that in moderation! :D

There is no word to share on our case.  Realistically though, I'm not sure that there really could be anything to provide as an update, until everything is ready for us to travel again and sign the final adoption decree and bring back our sweet little boy.  It's either they're not yet done processing our case, or they are done processing our case and we need to travel.  So I don't expect anything until that time.  When will it be is the million dollar question.  I'm thinking anytime from around the end of this month to the end of the year.  Obviously I am hoping for as soon as possible.  Our attorney said it would likely be two months from when we petitioned the court, and we were at court on August 25th. I am really hoping and praying everything is complete within two months of that date, which would be October 25th.  The later it gets toward the end of the year, and things generally start to slow down for the Christmas season.  Although I bet it is gorgeous in Honduras for Christmas, I would really prefer that our trip need be no more than four to six weeks and we are all set to go home by then.  Really hoping and praying for that.

And the other thing relates to the adoption tax credit. As yet, Congress has not acted to extend the adoption tax credit, and unless they extend it, the credit will end after this year.  Which means that adoptions would need to be finalized by the end of this year in order to receive the tax credit.  We are really counting on that tax credit.  Really counting on it.  So, if I can ask you once again, if you haven't contacted your Congressmen to ask them to extend it, please do that.  It will make a huge difference for us and for many many other adopting families.  Refer to my archived blog posts if you need more information on the tax credit.

Thank you so much my friends!

Following His direction

I was able to attend my Tuesday morning prayer and discussion group this morning.  So happy about that.  When the boys were out of school during the summer, I had to forgo the discussion group, and this was actually only the second time that I have been able to participate since school started back up.  It was great to be there.

This morning at Mass, the gospel reading was about Jesus raising from the dead the son of the widow from Nain.  Even though Fr. B's homily only took a few minutes (this is generally the case for a weekday Mass), he provided some spiritual food which I have thought about much today.  In the account, Jesus and his followers met the funeral procession at the gate of the city.  Fr. B mentioned that the way it was written, you could almost read it to say that Jesus "just happened" to be there, and "just happened" to see the procession and learn that this was the widow's only son and decided then and there to help her out.  Of course, Jesus knew what he was about.  Things don't take God by surprise.  He went there in order to raise the man.  I know God is in the details, but I had never thought about it before that Jesus went there to Nain on purpose.  I love the image of Jesus walking to Nain with the intent of raising the dead man and comforting his mother.  He went there on purpose, so it wasn't "out of his way" per se, but I wonder what his followers thought.  Did they give it any thought at the time?  Were they thinking: "Where are we going?  Are we just wandering around or is there some kind of purpose?  What are we doing going to this city?"  Did it occur to them as soon as the man was raised that Jesus was traveling there on purpose or did they have an aha moment much much later?

I wonder if there was anyone in the group that was petitioning and pestering our Lord to go to another place.  "It's a better road over this way.  Much safer for travelers.  The accomodations are better in the city over there.  The food is better.  I have relatives there, and they'll provide us excellent hospitality.  We won't have to walk as far." etc etc etc.  Someone logical.  Someone opinionated.  Someone used to coming up with plans and solving problems and doing a lot of nudging.  Someone that might engage in some eye rolling and jaw clenching when her ideas are not accepted.

Someone like me.

I can just imagine Jesus' face, listening patiently with a little bit of a smile.  I can imagine him thinking "I love your enthusiasm, Kiddo, but I got this."

And then he goes and raises the man from the dead.

Yeah, that beats better food and a safer road.

I feel like I have to learn this lesson over and over again.  Like Jesus' steps to Nain were on purpose, God also has a direction for me.  A plan for me.  Work that he has for me to do.  Not just random assignments that anyone could do, but work specifically for me.  Work that I have been designed for and prepared for, work where I can do the most good and also which will bring me the most joy.

Yet I am stubborn, and I still rebel when the car in front of me has a driver that insists on texting at the stop light, only to use so much time that I miss the light.  I still grumble when the printer is out of paper, and I have to make a special trip to the store, and miss out on the efficiency of getting something else on my to-do list accomplished.  But in all those run arounds and inefficiencies, did I end up in a place I hadn't expected at a time I hadn't expected and doing something much more important?

I have much to learn.

21 months

Precious boy,
You are 21 months old today!  Such a great big boy, but still my little baby boy too.  It has been two months now since we first learned about you and saw your photo, and nearly a month since we first held you.  I wonder how much you have grown since then.  I wonder what you have learned and what new things you can do.  I wonder if you are saying more words.  I wonder if you remember me.

We miss you sweet boy, and are really looking forward to seeing you soon.  I can't wait to snuggle with you again, to cover you with kisses, to play with you, to laugh with you, to read stories with you, and to just look at your adorable face once again.

I love you, mi precioso!

Thinking about our little guy

I've been thinking a lot about our little guy.  I know, big shocker there!!

Part of me can still hardly believe that it is actually true, that after that long long wait, we finally did receive a referral.  That we learned our travel dates.  That we travelled.  That we had the interviews and took the tests.  That we met our son!!  That he was with us for 48 precious hours.  That we played with him, and sang to him, and read him books, and fed him, and snuggled with him, and kissed him about a bazillion times.  And that (ugh!) we left without him.  That is actually happened and wasn't just some dream.

It is just so wonderful to know that all those things actually did occur, and now we are just waiting to hear that the court is done with its work on our case, and we can travel back and finalize everything.  It has been two weeks since we filed our papers at court.  Not really all that long in the scheme of things.  We were told at the time that it would be around two months before our second trip.  If that is true, then we are 25% through the wait until our second trip!  WOW!!  Put that way, it doesn't seem bad at all.  Of course, it could be something more along the lines of two to four months until we fly, in which case we are about 12-25% through our wait.

So what do we do?  We wait.  We pray.  We keep living life here, living in the present as much as possible, and being in the moment.  We have real life duties here every day and tons of tasks ahead of us, most of which bring lots of joy.   Not gonna lie -- the process of cleaning the bathrooms doesn't actually bring me joy, especially the boys' bathroom, but I am oh so glad I have two bathrooms, and that they are indoors, and that the plumbing works a-ok, and that it's a big rarity when I ever have to wait for the bathroom.

And in those moments when I am on a task that I can spare a few brain cells for some multi-tasking, I remember that sweet little boy.  And you know that the edges of my mouth cannot help but to turn into a little smile at just the thought of him.  That sweet face and big eyes and precious smile.  And that cute little way he would do that pointing thing.  And that adorable way that he fed us Cheerios.  And that studious way that he would work those stacking cups to get them to fit together or look at the pages of a book.  And that snuggly way that he would curl into my arms when I would walk him around and stroke his back.  And that baby bird way that he would open his mouth so wide for a spoonful of eggs or potatoes or chicken or fruit.   And that way he would laugh with abandon when Jerry tickled him, and then would pretend he was asleep so Jerry would tickle him some more.  And that happy way he would play with the truck, the train, the ball.

We are so looking forward to seeing you again mi hijito!!!