I seriously meant to post something at our one month-iversary, but now here we are home nearly two months. It barely seems possible, and yet it is so natural having Noah in the family, that in some sense it feels a lot longer than two months. But wow, have I been busy!
When we first arrived home, we were basically in our cocoon, though I would say it was a modified cocoon, as I did have to get out twice a day to get the older two boys to school and back, and then there were things like grocery shopping and the occasional trip to Target. Cocooning, for those that are unfamiliar with that term, is very common in the adoption world, especially for children that are older than newborns when they join the family. It means basically staying at home with just immediate family for weeks/months to get the new child used to the home, the family, the surroundings, etc. Only mommy and daddy take care of the new child: all feeding, all bathing, all changing, all everything, so that he understands who his parents are, understands as much as he can that this is for keeps, and attaches accordingly. As much as possible, there are no visitors or just quick visits by extended family members or close friends. It has its challenges, but is definitely worth it for the new child and the family as a whole.
So, that's what we did. And recall that the entire three weeks in Honduras we were basically in a cocoon too. Jerry took off work the first few days that Noah and I were home. We focussed on Noah while the other two boys were at school, and then juggled as much as possible when they were home. Then Jerry went back to work, and I juggled a little extra for those hours when I was home with all three boys. I'm not going to lie, it was a challenging time. We have a great support network in our family and friends who were ready and willing to help in any way they could, but the thing is, there are only so many things that other people can do for you. We had some meals brought which was very nice, but for the most part getting dinner on the table was not very hard for me to do. Not that I was doing fancy meals or anything, but we weren't in the habit of eating fancy much anyway, so it was not too much effort to get something on the table. The thing that helped us out a lot actually was playdates for the older two, especially on weekends. Cocooning got old with them fast, and they really enjoyed the opportunity of getting out with family members or friends. So playdate offers were real lifesavers. But the thing is, what the boys really wanted the most was mommy time and daddy time, and there is only so much mommy and daddy to go around. One way they were able to get some special time was when Jerry would take one or both older boys out for errands or adventures, especially on the weekends. They went to the Science Center, out for a hike, out for walks, to the hardware store, out for ice cream, anything where they had a chance to have some special time and really get heard. At first, it worked better if Jerry was the one that went on the outing, but at this point I am able to get out with the older boys without too much objection from the toddler.
And now, here we are: just about two months home, and things feel pretty good. Noah is attached well, he is most of the time very happy, and I am deliriously in love with him. People ask if the older boys are just so in love with their new brother, and my answer to that is they love him most of the time, and I am happy with that for now. It has been and continues to be a big change for them, but they are mostly very good around their little brother, and we have come up with some strategies for them to use when things aren't going their way.
I would say that our biggest challenges that we have had to deal with, both of which I have mentioned already, are (1) how to give each child the parental attention that they want and need, and (2) how to foster good sibling relationships between the three boys. I'd like to address both of these, but will do so in a future post, as naptime is just about over for the day!