I received an updated wait list number today! The number still needs to be double-checked, but I think it is probably good enough to share, so here it is:
8
To be honest, when I heard it, I was disappointed that it wasn't lower. I really thought that since the committee had met a couple times since our last update, that we would have a lower number than this, but when I shared the news with a friend of mine, she was so excited!!! Single digits! Definite progress! So happy for us!!! So, I'm feeling rather convicted at my lack of gratitude. Yes, it definitely is closer, three steps closer in fact to the very top of the list, and so I am happy for that. And I remind myself that we don't techically have to be on the very top of the list to receive a referral. For example, if there are eight or more placements to be made at the next committee meeting, then we are in business! Or, if there are less than eight but our parameters are wider than the families that are closer to the top, then we are in business! So when I think of it that way, it is way cool. We're just that much closer to our little honey pies!
Being honest here, it is just hard to keep waiting, especially as we get closer to Mother's Day. I remember so vividly the first Mother's Day I celebrated as a mother, not just a daughter, back in 2005. Mario was just a few weeks old and not home yet. We had just received his referral the previous month, when he was just a week old. We were giddy excited about him, and of course wanted him home as soon as possible, but the wait hadn't been so long at that point to taint the good feelings that I had. I was just purely happy. I was cantoring at Mass on Mother's Day, and at the end of Mass, the priest asked all the mothers to stand up for a special blessing. I realized that for the first time I could be one of those standing! I caught the eye of my friend Gina who was a couple pews away, and the look on her eyes told me that she completely understood how I was feeling as I stood up. I didn't realize until that moment that he was going to ask the mothers to rise. He probably did that every year, I was just for some reason caught off guard, so I was feeling a little bit of shock, and the rest absolute joy!! My eyes were brimming with tears and I could barely keep from bursting out in happy tears. Loud ugly happy tears that is! How I ever made it through singing the recessional hymn I couldn't tell you, other than it being the pure grace of God. There was no full choir; it was just me up there, so definitely it had to be the grace of God to make it possible for me to sing at all. It is such a beautiful memory to treasure, and I am grateful for it.
So today, even though I have a little bit of wistful sadness that it is unlikely that we will have our referral before Mother's Day this year, I am grateful that we are on this journey at all, and I am trusting the One who is infinitely trustworthy that His perfect plan is being worked out here at home and with our little ones, and that one day, at the perfect time, they will know that I am their mama forever and ever and ever.