I've been thinking about birth mothers a lot lately. Of course, this being Advent, my mind often turns to Mary and the birth of Jesus. In addition, we recently celebrated the anniversary of Mario joining our family, which we refer to as "Family Day," which makes me think of his birth mother. From there, it's not a far leap to think about #3 and #4's birth mother. Clearly, I don't know anything about her circumstances. Even once we get our referral, I probably won't receive much information about her. I've often heard it said that losing a child to death is the hardest thing a person ever has to do; I'm guessing that making an adoption plan for a child you have given birth to can't be too far down the list from there.
I know it is common practice for couples hoping to adopt domestically to write a "Dear Birth Mother" letter to the woman who is considering them to parent her child. This is not something we have had to do, and I am thankful for that. Of course, if requirements changed tomorrow and we needed to have this in our dossier, we would do it, but how does one even write such a letter? How do you thank a woman for her child? What words would ever cut it?
I hope that #3 and #4's birth mother knows enough about God to know that He can comfort her regarding this loss and bring her peace. I pray that God give her the grace to turn to Him. I know full well that God can draw straight with crooked lines. I pray that their birth mother offer her pain and suffering to God so that it can be redemptive. I pray that God heal her and draw her closer to Him.